Through and Through.
“I find that I’m safe and warm in Your loving arms.
You see me and You know me and You love me through and through.”
i·den·ti·ty [noun]: the distinguishing character or personality of an individual
From birth, we have always had to have documents and different forms of identification so that we can prove to others we are who we say we are.
Outside of this, we are always going through different seasons with different roles that inevitably become parts of our identity: daughter, son, sister, brother, student, athlete, musician, profession, job title, leader, wife, husband, mother, father, etc.
There are so many things that we use to identify ourselves and help others better know who we are.
So many times these things can become our safety and our security. They can become the things in which we find our value and worth or our comfort and confidence. As a result, it is easy to forget that we have significance outside of those roles and descriptions.
During these last 5-6 weeks, I have struggled with this more than ever. Before moving to this little town where God Himself led me so clearly, I was well known and well established. I knew people, organizations, and community needs. I had 2 great jobs, was apart of an amazing community group, and went to a great church. I was comfortable with knowing where to go to get the things I needed, and even if I did not know, I knew somebody I could ask. It was great, and I had a lot of confidence and security that simply came with these realities. More than that, I was KNOWN. I felt seen, understood, and loved. Things felt good and easy in many ways, despite the hardship and trials of life.
However, reality hit as the initial excitement of a new town wore off in a couple of days and weeks, and I was beginning to be asked a lot of questions about who I was and why I moved. All of a sudden I had gone from being a leader and influencer in the community to a new girl in town who moved because God asked her to do so; I had nothing to hide behind or to cling to anymore. I felt so vulnerable. What would people think if I was just "Jennifer" and was simply here to love and serve the people in the community and help them discover who God is as I continue to do so myself? I no longer felt like I had an impressive role to hide behind or knew the important people or organizations in the community. I was just me, and I just had Jesus.
For a week straight I contemplated, I wrestled, I struggled, I cried, I doubted, I questioned... "Who am I, God? What did I just do? What am I doing here? Help!"
Day by day, all I felt the Father say, "I see you. You are where I want you to be. Just trust me. Be faithful and obedient. You matter because I say you matter. I give you purpose, and your identity is only found in what I say about you. You are chosen. You are known. I hear you, and I am with you. You are mine. Just breathe."
And day by day, I questioned, I wrestled, I struggled, I cried, I doubted. I hated the insecurity I felt. I hated feeling so out of place. I hated feeling so unknown and like I did not matter. And right there, a fear that was deep in my heart that I had never really confronted before: the fear of not mattering.It is easy to get caught up in believing that our worth and identity come from the things we do and the roles we acquire in our lives. It is easy to get caught up in performing and wanting others to approve of us and think that we matter.
It is easy to look everywhere else except to God for our worth and significance. Deep down, I think many of us could agree on this desire to matter and the fear of not mattering. We want our lives to have purpose, and we want to have influence in this world and to truly make a difference. In response to this desire, we each look to different things and people to measure our success, which is where we can get trapped, confused, and discouraged.
Here is some really good truth, though: for those of us who have chosen to respond to God's love and have accepted that it is only through the blood of Jesus Christ that we can have a relationship with Him, then we can be confident that He hears us, sees us, knows us, and loves us (PLEASE go read Ephesians 2:1-10 and think on it). God made a way for us when there was no way. This identity HE gives us has nothing to do with anything we have done or could ever do; It is ONLY through the death and resurrection of Jesus, His son.
Galatians 5:1 says, "For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery."
We no longer have to be chained to the burden of trying to prove ourselves and to figure out how we matter in this world. We can walk in freedom because Christ died for us. For you and for me. This freedom is a gift; it is a gift that we must choose to receive and that will flood us with peace, hope, joy, confidence, rest, and so much more. How incredible does it feel when we can just rest and know that we have nothing to prove? Have you ever felt that before?
Friends, I pray that you will listen to this song today. Truly listen to these lyrics and just simply sit still with our good Father and enjoy Him and His presence. Let Him tell you who you are. Be real and be raw. Rest in the fact that He sees you, He knows you, and He loves you through and through. All of you. And you are safe in His loving arms.
I wish I could say that I have overcome these thoughts and feelings, but the reality is, each and every day the temptation is there to look to someone else or something else for my identity. I can say that with every day, struggle or not, God is taking me deeper in understanding how to rest in Him. I can also say, though, that as we remain steadfast and continue to seek Him first and foremost, it does get easier to see and know when we are not believing His Word and Truth. Luckily, almost 6 weeks into this new chapter, I can honestly say it does not feel as overbearing and overwhelming as it once did. Truth is, we will always have challenges and trials in this life, and we will always have a choice to make in regard to what we are believing and where we are looking for our worth, hope, strength, joy, and identity.
I pray that you will just make the choice TODAY to cling to God and His promises. Set your mind on Him and meditate on His character. He is good, and He is so faithful. Do not worry about tomorrow and if you will get it "right" or not. It is not about performance. The reality is, you will never get it perfect, and that is okay! It is simply about encountering the God of the universe and letting His presence change your heart and mind and letting Him give you strength and hope in order to accomplish all that He prepared for you before the foundation of the earth.
Soli Deo gloria.