Leaving a Legacy of Christ.
Today is a significant day. It is a day that many of you reading this will have experienced at least once, if not multiple times, already. It is the one year anniversary of losing a loved one, my grandpa, and this is one of my favorite pictures and memories of him.
On this day last year, after my grandfather had taken a sudden turn for the worst in his health, I received the phone call I had been anticipating for a long time. Although he was sick for many years and I absolutely hated to watch him suffer through Parkinson's disease, none of us is ever quite ready to let our loved one go. Ironically, we had just been talking about bringing him home from the hospice home he was living in because he had been steady for almost 3 months. However, the day after that conversation is when we knew he would be lucky to make it another 24 hours.
As I stood there, unsure of how to even respond to the news and with every feeling welling up inside of me, I had an overwhelming sense of peace and comfort because I knew he was finally HOME with Jesus. The placed he longed to be.
I had never lost a close family member before, and I was quite nervous about what the grieving process would look like. How was I going to be strong for my family, keep a tough exterior to continue in my leadership roles and busy, people-filled life, on top of truly working through the pain and sadness of the loss?
On that particular day, I actually had a sleepover planned with my small group girls... about fifteen 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade girls... and I was all by myself in taking them - talk about an adventure!! I had reserved a log cabin for us, an experience I knew none of them had ever had before and some would probably never even have again. The date had been changed 3 times, so I knew and believed with all of my heart that the date was specific and purposeful, sovereignly chosen by God Himself. So, I decided to go, and it is honestly a decision I will never regret.
As I wrestled through sleeping that night, it was when the Lord told me to take this grieving process one day at a time. Just be. Don't hide. Don't cover up. Don't have any expectations (which is a HARD one for me... due to my desire for control and anticipation of how I am going to handle x, y, and z). It was in the coming days that I saw how the Lord had been preparing my heart to enter into time with my family and going to the funeral. I tangibly felt God's tender love, comfort, and peace every moment of that experience. It was hard. It was difficult. I did not know what to say, what to do, or how to feel. I knew I was okay, though. It was great, too, because the Lord brought about a lot of laughter as we talked about and reflected on many stories and memories from our time with grandpa.
So, one thing I loved about my grandpa was His heart for Jesus. His heart for prayer, worship, and serving others. He was a very handy man up until the day he could no longer be. He loved to read, write, and sing. The joy of the Lord was contagious, and it was truly his strength. He was bold with His love for God, and you would never get out of the first conversation with him without the question "Do you know Jesus as your Savior? And I mean, do you REALLY know Him and have a relationship with him?" He longed for the day to go Home to Heaven and to be with his Father, Lord, and Friend. And he also dreamed of his mansion, hoping he would be able to do at least some gardening and eat a lot, haha.
One thing I am grateful for is the fact the Lord had a MUCH GREATER plan in all of this. One thing I had been experiencing as I watched my grandpa's health decline drastically over that last year with him, was a frustration and regret of not asking more questions about his life and asking to hear more stories. Yes, we always had fun together, played games together, went on walks, and spent time together, but I had never been intentional with asking him about his story, life experiences, challenges, personal relationship with Jesus, etc. I always just knew he loved Jesus more than anything, he loved his family and friends, he loved the lost, and he prayed and prayed and prayed. However, I never knew how he got there.
As the Lord really helped me through the feelings of regret, shame, and guilt, He reminded me that HE already had a plan. I discovered that plan was my grandpa's journals. It is CRAZY because I knew my grandpa loved to write, but I never knew it was something that he started when he was nearly 60 because the Lord put it on his heart to start writing down every memory from his childhood to present (his before Christ days, his coming to faith days, and his struggling but keeping his eyes faithfully on Jesus days), in a way to document his life and essentially write a book for his loved ones. WHAT!! This was something completely inspired by the Holy Spirit and orchestrated by God, and I truly believe God had ME in mind.
Over the last year, I have been able to read some of these journal "chapters", and it has been quite a joy learning about my grandpa. Although he is no longer here, I know he is right by my side. It is through the journals that I have been discovering the similarities of passions, gifts, and ministry avenues that we share. God Himself, through much work and healing my heart, has given me opportunity to "share in ministry" with my grandpa. As I have dug deeper into my passion for writing, my desire to sing and worship God, to be bold and steadfast in prayer, to go out among the lost (those who do not yet know him) and to love and serve them, and now even my love for reading... I am even counting the number of books I complete (something I, well all of us, would give him a hard time about), it is truly a JOY to see how outside of our box that God truly is.
Honestly, I feel like I have gotten to REALLY know my grandpa, and truthfully, it encourages me to press into these gifts, passions, and desires that God has given me even more. The thing is, my grandpa loved God and loved others. No, he did not get it perfectly right and he had his fair share of battles, as we all do, but I know he did not let his insecurities, his inabilities, his fears, etc., prevent him from doing what God created him to do. He was faithful to his Lord Jesus, and he learned to trust God and His character and to take things one day at a time, truly believing that every single thing had purpose.
My question for you is, what gift, passion, and/or desire has God specifically given you? And what are the ways that God may be asking you to use them for His glory and to encourage and serve others?
Do you have an ability to work in the garden? Maybe start a community garden. Do you have a gift for singing? Maybe see how you can use it to invite others into giving praise to God. Do you have a love for children? Maybe see how you can serve your neighbors by watching their kids while the couple goes out on a date night. Do you have a love for organization? Maybe reach out and see if anyone in your friend group needs any help with their house or time management. These are just a few things that came to mind, but the possibilities are endless.
I don't know what YOUR specific gifts, talents, and passions are, but YOU and GOD do. Ask Him to show you how you can be a light to those around you. It is not your responsibility to change people's hearts and minds, it is simply your job to love God first and love those He places in your life along the way. It is simply your job to trust Him and obey His Word while helping others to do the same. And it is simply your job to be faithful to the assignment(s) He has specifically given you. And do not worry... you WILL NOT do it all perfectly or get it all right... but it is OKAY. Just keep your eyes on Jesus (it is by HIS blood that we are even able to be called worthy and free), seeking Him and trusting the Holy Spirit to work in and through you for God's glory.
What has He called you to do? How has He gifted you, and how does He want you to share those things with those around you? What is He asking you to do TODAY?
Just do it.You never know what kind of seeds you are sowing or lives you are impacting as you faithfully walk with Jesus, trusting and obeying Him. Including ALL of the little things.
By His grace, may He use us to leave a legacy for the name of Jesus through our lives.
I feel very privileged to have had a grandfather who God used mightily in this world for His glory, and I pray that as an answer to many of my grandpa's prayers, that the Lord would use me, too.
Soli Deo gloria.
PS, in honor of my grandpa, I choose to sing this song "with" him today. The song that he prayed over and over and over again... to trust God and just take one day at a time.