One Question.
"Am I enough? Jenn, am I enough for you?"
Silence.
"Jenn, do you love me and believe that I love you?"
"Yes, Lord."
"Are you willing to follow me and just trust Me?"
"Yes... but I'm afraid. I am willing, though.""
So again, am I enough?"
Silence.
This question was incredibly sobering, humbling, and eye-opening. My thoughts were many, and I dared not answer dishonestly or carelessly.
So, I began asking myself many questions.Was God truly enough for me? More than all the questions I wanted/needed answers for? More than all the vision and direction I was asking Him about? More than all of my expectations and diligent seeking for confirmations? Was God enough for me? Was the current moment WITH Him and the fact that I encountered the God of the universe, was this enough for me? And if I never saw another moment or received another blessing, vision, answer, would the fact that I have a relationship with GOD (the LORD of ALL) be enough?
"Yes, Lord. You ARE enough for me."
Friends, it is so easy to lose focus on the fact that our relationship with God is the most incredible, satisfying, and unbelievable thing we could ever have. I've heard it said many of times, "when we are so focused on the gifts, we forget the Giver." God really just wants us to be WITH him and satisfied with His presence.
So many days I get caught up in the little details and let fear stop me from enjoying life and enjoying the Lord. Whether it be fear of man OR different fears in my relationship with God, such as: not hearing Him when He speaks, making the wrong decision, missing out on what He wants me to do, etc. Now, I am not saying desiring to walk in obedience or being aware and attentive to His voice and leading is wrong; however, the fear that leads to anxiety, worry, indecisiveness, and restlessness is the problem. Fear is NOT from the Lord. Restlessness is NOT from them Lord. Worry, doubt, and anxiety are NOT from the Lord.
The amount of pressure and weight many of us put on ourselves is not what the Lord ever intended for us. He tells us He gives us rest. He tells us to enjoy every moment. He promises us joy, hope, peace, confidence, etc. He tells us that HE is our all in all. He is our provision. He is our strength. He is our guidance and our help.
Here's the thing, when we stop focusing on everything we think we need/want and we take a step back to refocus our attention on the One with whom we are talking, everything begins to change. The peace, hope, joy, etc all begin to wash over us. All of a sudden, the challenges, concerns, and frustrations begin to fade away. We, then, begin to rejoice and give thanks to the One whose timing is perfect and whose character is good. We can truly enjoy and appreciate the moment at hand.
I'm beginning to understand more and more why God tells us in Matthew 6 not to worry about tomorrow because today has enough troubles of its own. There's no point. It adds not a single hour to our life. It only takes away what has been given to us through Christ Jesus. And what's more humbling is the fact that we are not even guaranteed our next breath. The only moment we are guaranteed is the one we are currently experiencing. So why waste it on worry and grief when the God of the universe is with us and by our side?
Furthermore, there is a difference between "being still" and "stillness." I wrestled this thought for weeks... and I am sure the Lord loved my attempts and child-like thoughts and actions as I tried to understand what He meant by this.
I must say, this encounter with Him a few days ago in the middle of the woods cleared it right up, though. We can physically be still but still have a restless spirit - a mind and spirit full of questions, worries, concerns, thoughts, expectations, etc. However, a spirit of "stillness" is one that is in complete peace and rest, without a concern in the world, because there is an understanding that everything is going to be okay because there is a confidence and trust in the One who is good, faithful, and sovereign.
When we have a spirit of "stillness," we are able to enjoy the moment and receive FULLY what the Lord has for us... even if it is simply time with Him and nothing else.
May we come to Him with the only expectation to encounter Him.
May we praise His name and truly meditate on His Word, promises, and character.
May we daily check our motives and ask ourselves, "Is God truly enough for me today?"
Amen.
**Here is a song that I just recently came across. Many of you may know it if you are familiar with hymns. Especially with all that is going on in the world around us right now, I pray the Lord would teach us how to truly just take One Day at a Time.